Privacy

DAILY PROMPT

Privacy is serious business no matter which way you look at it.  For instance, you should be able to enjoy eating a messy burger in private. But if you are talking about serious privacy issues such as reading other people’s confidential information over their shoulders, well, that’s a whole other ball of wax.

It’s so hard these days to have a little bit of privacy, especially when you just want to take a little breather from the rigours of life.  That’s why there’s an actual law.  It’s called Privacy.  A law was created just for that purpose.

It’s good to have a privacy law.  It just doesn’t work when you want to use the bathroom in your own home.  We have to deal with the incessant pounding on the wood followed by the words “hurry up”, “it was my turn a long time ago”, “are you remodeling” and on, and on.

They should have an “I Am In The Bathroom Just Wait Already” law. Even though you would be hard pressed for that one to work.  I’ve tried using it plenty of times and found it just doesn’t stick.   The only way to really fix that problem is to put the toilet in the hallway.  See how that works out.

So privacy is attainable, just difficult to maintain.  Now that you’re sitting on the toilet in the hallway reading the morning paper, and everyone is staring at you, that’s called invasion of privacy.  Try winning that one.

 

 

Work? Optional!

DAILY PROMPT:  If money were out of the equation, would you still work? If yes, why, and how much? If not, what would you do with your free time?

Absolutely – well, maybe not.  That’s really one of the main reasons for working though.  I’m sure if my boss called me on a Monday morning and told me I didn’t need to come back to work, ever,  I wouldn’t question him or her.  I wouldn’t pretend they called the wrong number either.  I would probably breathe a sigh of relief, then go right back to sleep.  My free time would most likely be spent with family and exploring the world.

Wicked Witch

1DAILY PROMPTS:   Write about evil: how you understand it (or don’t), what you think it means, or a way it’s manifested, either in the world at large or in your life.
I may not understand much about evil but my cat made it clear she had been hording evil thoughts about people eating tuna.

She doesn’t care too much for the aroma from the tuna escaping my bagel when she has her head buried in her crunchy cat food.  She doesn’t pay attention to the sound when I tear the lid open either.  I know she loves tuna but I discovered she loved it more than I imagined.  To prove the point, my sister drops by one day to show off her newly adopted cat named Mercedes.  Naturally I thought my sister would love to enjoy a tuna sandwich with me.  Opened another can but this time, for some reason, the sound of the lid snapping its release was unusually loud.  The hairs on the back of my neck suddenly rose to peaks.

With a vicious slap I felt something attach itself to my back almost knocking the breath out of me.  I screeched while frantically climbing the walls to reach the next level, which was the ceiling.  I groped desperately for a hand hold on the massive light fixture above and practically wrapped my legs around my neck for fear I was hanging a little too loose.  Imagine that.  Feeling I was just a little too close to the floor where whatever I was scared of was waiting.  But it wasn’t waiting.  It was already up here with me.

My cat had taken a dive and landed on my back latching itself on like a crab.  I don’t remember her being that heavy.  I could feel her nails viciously searching for skin to get a better grip.  Perhaps it was to keep herself from falling to the floor below. I cringed as she hung from my sweater hissing in my ear as if telling me, “how dare you feed the human my tuna!”

I dropped to the floor and removed my sweater to get her and her wicked ways off me and flicked it to the other side of the room.  Still she clung, swinging back and forth as the sweater flew threw the air.  During her flight, she was glaring and grinning from ear to ear at the can still lodged in my palm.  She seemed to be calculating, weighing the situation.  Then she hissed again with some sense of satisfaction.  Not at me this time, but at the can of tuna.

I got myself some serious goose bumps — where’s my other sweater?

Wrong Turns

DAILY PROMPT:  When was the last time you got lost? Was it an enjoyable experience, or a stressful one? Tell us all about it.

My sister and I were headed to the post office to pick up a large package.  I get to drive her SUV.  I love it.  It’s like driving a truck and I tell her how high up I am and feel like I’m king of the road.  My car doesn’t make me feel this high.  The two flat tires on my car make it feel even lower.

We’re enjoying the ride, laughing about this and that, trying to catch up on what’s old and what’s new.  She points to where I’m to turn because I’m still talking and trying to concentrate on driving at the same time.  That’s a feat in itself.  I miss the turn.  We’re now lost.  There’s so much to catch up on that I don’t realize that I haven’t stopped talking but I’m confirming with a nod of my head that I understand we are lost.  But it’s okay, I’m driving my sister’s SUV you see.  They’re good vehicles.

She tells me to turn left after I pass the street we should have turned on.  I don’t want us to get lost again so I attempt a half u-turn just past the street sign and the light post.  I feel her tires scraping the sidewalk and pulling us with it.  I think of my two flat tires on my car and worry the SUV is going to feel a little low if the tires pop.  That would change things just a smidgen.  We make it.  Just barely. The turn is complete.

She’s shocked and I almost start laughing at the look on her face.  I try not to burst out laughing as I watch her face for any indication that I can actually burst.  I don’t know if she’s shocked because I actually managed to make the turn but she starts laughing at the look on my face.  Then I realize I’m trying not to laugh now.

The high pitched squeaky hissing noise seeping out from between my teeth and lips make her laugh harder.  Sort of like a snake fighting with an electric can opener.  I can’t take it anymore.  I pull over to the side but because it’s my first time driving an SUV we’re now halfway on the sidewalk and the road with the hazards on.  I burst out laughing because time doesn’t wait for a good laugh.  Especially when you have to use the bathroom and make a wrong turn in your sister’s SUV.

Unexpected Guests

Daily Prompt:  You walk into your home to find a couple you don’t know sitting in your living room, eating a slice of cake.  Tell us what happens next.

I start laughing and through tears of laughter say “seriously?”  I check my watch.  I check the address on the mail I just picked up.  I stop laughing.  “Get out, now please,” only because I’m extremely polite.  I am standing at the front door however with my cell phone on 911-dial-ready.

They get up, brush the crumbs all over my carpet, which I’m thinking they will mash into the carpet with their shoes, because I’m assuming the cake is still moist enough to cause a mushy mess when they start walking towards the exit.

They give me a hug and say “April Fools!  We are best friends with your neighbours!”  I see them across the street waving at me with smiles as big as orangutans, laughing like hyenas shouting, “we got you back!”

Oh yes, that’s right.  April Fools day last year was brutal.  I totally forgot about the group of friends I sent over there to sit in their backyard, drink lemonade then paint their back door in that aubergene colour.  I love my neighbours.  It took them a whole year to figure out how to get me back.  Can’t wait for Christmas.  I know exactly what I’m going to do.  The plan takes shape as I smile and wave back at them.

Tunnel Vision

 DAILY PROMPT:  You’ve been given the ability to build a magical tunnel that will quickly and secretly connect your home with the location of your choice — anywhere on Earth. Where’s the other end of your tunnel?

Somewhere on earth during the Jurassic Period where everything is on a bigger scale.  The trees are huge, which means, the fruits that grow on them are pretty big too.  You could make a jug of juice from one fruit.  The birds are exotic, the animals are rare and beautiful and include the ones we’ve probably never guessed could possibly have existed.  You could float on the warm waters riding a leaf as big as a boat.  You could live and enjoy any of the islands scattered around and never have to worry about buying groceries or paying a mortgage.  Because the dinosaurs would most likely just eat your house anyway.  But it would be nice to enjoy the beauty of the islands and all it has to offer.

Sorry, I’m Busy

2DAILY PROMPTS:  Tell us about a time when you should have helped someone…but didn’t.

No way.  You can’t have all that stuff hanging off you, expecting me to help you clean it off.  I don’t recall telling you to smother yourself in that stuff.  I don’t like chocolate pudding and I won’t ask how it got there. Help you?  Uhm, “not really, I’m kind of busy like a bee” I will say as I glare at you from the corner of my left eye knowing full well I have nothing to do, at the moment.  I’ll wonder what exactly is going on with your hair.  Can hair do that?  Perhaps turn my head a little too far sideways so you won’t see me grinning from ear to neck.

As you walk away in a little highway huff then accidentally slip on the brown goo I was too busy to help you clean off, of course, only then will I burst out laughing.  Not because I couldn’t stop myself, but because I notice your whole back is covered in chocolate pudding.

Now I know what you were doing in the kitchen.  I certainly didn’t know chocolate pudding could attack you though.  Maybe I better watch it next time when I go for a glass of milk.  Good grief Charlie Brown!